One-night stands are often seen as the most superficial and least intimate type of casual sex. However, recent research suggests otherwise. Surprisingly, empirical findings challenge this belief and reveal that one-night stand can sometimes develop into something deeper.
“My first one-night stand turned into a three-year relationship.” —A woman
Types of casual sex
“I’m not the kind of person who finds one-night stands appealing. They often leave me feeling empty and cynical, and I don’t even find them enjoyable sexually. I need to have some emotional connection with a woman and hold onto the hope that it might lead to a meaningful relationship.” —Ben Affleck
Jocelyn Wentland and Elke Reissing (2011) categorise casual sexual relationships into four main types: “one-night stands,” “booty calls,” “f*ck buddies,” and “friends with benefits.” These types vary in their degree of superficiality and their temporal nature.
Firstly, one-night stands are the most superficial. They involve minimal emotional intimacy and usually occur between strangers or after only a brief acquaintance. Next, booty calls involve communication with the specific intent of arranging a sexual encounter. Unlike one-night stands, booty calls aim for repeated sexual activity with someone you know.
When booty calls become regular, the participants are often classified as f*ck buddies. In this arrangement, the individuals are friends, but their relationship is primarily centred around sexual activity. Lastly, friends with benefits represent the most involved form of casual sex dating, as it includes both emotional and sexual interactions, though still within a casual framework.
How women feel about one-night stand
“One-night stands are not for me. I think it’s gross when you just give it up.” —Paris Hilton
Claire Moran and Christina Lee (2014) interviewed Australian women about their experiences with non-romantic sex. Their insights on one-night stands and sex dating were quite revealing:
“Engaging in one-night stands offers sexual satisfaction without the commitment of a relationship. At the end of the day, I’m still satisfied sexually, but I’m not in a relationship because I don’t want to be. These men are just for one night, and they’re not someone I’d consider pursuing further. They’re simply people I want to have sex with.” —Jacqueline
“It’s always been quite random, which is nice. It’s not like ‘it’s Friday night, so I have to hook up.’” —Natasha
“I don’t go out with the intention of bringing anyone home. It’s more of a pleasant surprise. If we end up having sex, enjoy it, share a cuddle, and then part ways with ‘that was great, see you later,’ that’s perfect.” —Daisy
Here are some candid experiences from women about one-night stands, shared on Reddit:
“I had an incredible one-night stand with a guy, and we actually ended up dating. It was fantastic. We hit it off right away, and the sex was amazing. We were really in sync. It was sad when he had to leave.”
“For me, there’s only one rule for one-night stands: it has to be with someone I’ve never seen before and will never see again. As long as I stick to that, everything is fine!”
“I choose one-night stands because I love sex but don’t want the emotional baggage of a relationship. It’s as simple as that.”
One-night stands: Surprising findings
“I think every woman should have a one-night stand. If it’s done right, it can be liberating.” —Rachel Perry
Despite the superficial nature of one-night stands, they are often seen as the opposite of serious love. It might seem unlikely that such encounters would evolve into long-term romantic relationships. The very term “one-night stand” suggests a brief, shallow, and fleeting experience, intended solely for sexual gratification.
However, Helen Fisher (2014) discovered that about 27% of people who engaged in one-night stands eventually developed them into long-term relationships. Moreover, Fisher’s research revealed that men were three times more likely than women to want to turn a one-night stand into a serious relationship.
In addition, a 2021 study by The Knot on dating apps found that, although Tinder is commonly associated with casual sexual encounters and one-night stands, it was responsible for pairing about a quarter of newlyweds who met online. This makes Tinder surprisingly effective for those seeking marriage.
Other surprising insights come from Peter Jonason and his team (2011), who explored the ‘booty-call’ relationship. They found that a booty-call falls between the most superficial one-night stands and the most serious long-term romantic relationships. Surprisingly, their research revealed that people who had one-night stands reported more emotional engagement than those in serious relationships.
Interestingly, participants in booty-call scenarios were more likely to leave immediately after sex, whereas in one-night stands, individuals often stayed longer. These findings indicate that one-night stands and serious romantic relationships share more similarities than differences in terms of emotional and sexual interactions. Thus, incorporating emotional activities to enhance sexual experiences, such as foreplay, seems important in both types of relationships (Jonason et al., 2011).
Clarifying the seemingly contradictory results
“Soup dumplings, sitcoms, one-night stands—good ones leave you wanting more.” —Eddie Huang
There are several reasons that can explain the seemingly paradoxical nature of one-night stands. One major reason is the ambiguous nature of these encounters. Unlike other casual relationships, such as booty-calls, f*ck-buddies, and friends-with-benefits, which have established boundaries, one-night stands are defined by their novelty. The only agreement is that the interaction will last for one night only. The potential future of the relationship depends on the quality of the night’s experience, motivating participants to engage in emotional and romantic interactions throughout the evening—before, during, and after sex.
Additionally, because the experience is meant to be brief and may be the last time the two people meet, participants often feel more freedom to be themselves. They can behave authentically without worrying about their partner’s future reactions. This freedom, combined with the absence of prior expectations, can lead to unexpectedly high-quality sex. The intimacy created during such encounters can make individuals more willing to share their genuine feelings and lower their emotional barriers.
Final thoughts
“I’m always looking for meaningful one-night stands.” —Dudley Moore
In a humorous yet paradoxical twist, Dudley Moore links one-night stands with the quest for meaning. Surprisingly, this connection can be more accurate than expected. Despite the odds, one-night stands can sometimes evolve into meaningful and positive relationships. Although this outcome is not the norm, it does occur more often than one might think.
Thus, it appears that when a one-night stand extends beyond just one night, there are genuine opportunities for further development. The initial spontaneity sets a positive foundation, making the potential for future growth reasonable and possible.
